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Pam's Story

Pam's Journal: How I Cope

June 8, 2003

It's time I set the record straight.

So many people have told me how much of an inspiration they think I am. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate hearing that because it lets me know that I'm not going through this in vain. But this is something I cannot brag about either because my ability to inspire does not come from me. My inner strength comes directly from God. That's the only way I can describe it. I don't know how He's working it in me, or why I was chosen to be blessed with so much strength. But I do know that my trip through the valley of cancer has not been difficult.

The pastor of our church is doing a series on Psalm 23. Today's message was on verse 4: Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me...

I'm so thankful that my parents brought me up with the Bible. It's passages like this that have gotten me through a lot in my life. I have had relatively little fear throughout my cancer treatments because I knew God was near. Many times the Bible mentions that God will "never leave or forsake" us. I have trusted in this, and the peace it has given me is beyond words.

Have I ever been afraid? Well sure. But those times I can only measure in moments. Like when I left the mammogram office after the suspicious mammogram and core needle biopsy. The thought that this could be cancer hit my brain, and I cried. But the tears were brief.

The second time was after the first chemo. Things had gone so fast that I didn't really have time to think about what I was getting into. We stepped out into the hall and a wave just hit me. I'm not sure if it was so much fear as it was just the realization of the reality of it all.

The last time was a couple of weeks after the first chemo. We had just put the kids to bed, and a sense of fear swept over me. I didn't want to leave my family behind. I knew that my prognosis was good, but there was that "what if" that crept into my thinking. Thankfully that one didn't last long either.

Those were the only times I remember feeling like things would be anything other than fine. The rest of the time I relied on the Book that was written to me by the Creator of the Universe. There's so much more I could write about this, but it all boils down to a trust in God, who has proven himself faithful over and over again. Pretty simple. Pretty basic. But oh so effective.

Something else that has kept me going is a sense of humor. Being able to laugh as they say is "the best medicine". My most recent laughter comes as a credit to the expanders.

Remember when you were a kid and you'd cup you hand under your armpit, then flap your arm like a chicken and make "armpit farts"? Well, thanks to my expanders, I can do that without even trying. In fact, the other night I almost couldn't get off the couch because I was laughing so hard!

My expanders stick out under my arms as well as on my chest. When my arm is against my side, a natural cavern is created where air can get trapped. In the normal pushing of my wheels I don't really put pressure on that air. However, when I transfer from my chair to anything else, my underarm muscles force the air out in a lovely farting kind of noise. Sometimes it's loud, sometimes not, but in this particular case it was loud, and it happened each time I moved!

So the next time you're walking through a parking lot and as you pass the handicapped parking you hear a big old "toot", it's just me! And I won't be offended if you laugh! In fact, I'll be laughing along with you, as long as I can stop long enough to get into my car!

Are you struggling at the moment? Take time to laugh. I also recommend reading the Bible, especially Psalm 23. Then there's the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John which document the struggles of Jesus. He can relate to you. And the next time you think of me and are inspired, thank God. It is totally Him working through me to do it.

Until next time...

Pam Daale
The Happy Former Cancer Patient

You can e-mail Pam Daale at Pam_Daale@TheDenverChannel.com.


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