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Pam's Journal: Emotional Rollercoaster

November 3, 2002

Editor's Note: 7NEWS Meteorologist Pam Daale is grateful to all of the viewers who have expressed their best wishes as she wages her fight against breast cancer.

Daale has chosen to use TheDenverChannel.com as her way of keeping the public updated on her health. New journal entries will be posted weekly.

If you've been reading my journal, I hope you've been convinced to begin or at least become more diligent in doing your breast exams.

Since I've started writing this journal, I've spoken to or had e-mails from at least a half-dozen others who were just diagnosed with breast cancer. I think that's pretty amazing considering I've only been doing this journal for about a month and a half.

That's one person a week, and that's only the ones who are contacting me. Imagine how many others are being diagnosed each week!

So, you're "getting to know your breasts", and now you've found a lump. What do you do? I think the worst thing for me was not knowing what it was. In my case I was already due for a mammogram, so I made that appointment first.

I checked my lump every day until my mammogram, trying to see if (hoping) it was shrinking. My mind played a hundred different scenarios. Mom had breast cancer. This could be cancer. I'd been taking an appetite suppressant that has caffeine in it. Caffeine makes my boobs lumpy, so it's only a caffeine-induced lump ... It's hard, it doesn't move. It's cancer... It came up so fast. It can't be cancer. Breast cancer is slow-growing ... isn't it?

I tried not to think about it, and putting my trust in God kept me from drowning in worry.

Then I had the mammogram. The usual pictures were taken. I waited. They came back and took another picture. I waited. The mammogram was inconclusive, so I was taken to another room to have an ultrasound and core needle biopsy.

I still didn't have an answer when I left that day. I cried with my friend Emily when I left the office. I'm not sure why, although I'm sure being pre-menstrual didn't help!

I had to wait another 2-3 days to find out what the lump was. That waiting again! My brain replayed the different scenarios.

By the time I called to get the results, I was fairly convinced in my mind that it was just a caffeine-induced thing, no big deal. But then the doctor said cancer. More specifically, ductal carcinoma. I was brave in talking with her. I didn't cry until after I got off the phone. Thank goodness I knew God was walking by my side. In fact, I backed up to that precipice called breast cancer, and did the Nestea plunge into His arms. I knew I couldn't walk through this alone, much less walk at all!

If you've been through breast cancer, you know the emotions run the gamut. My mom sent me a tape of a comedienne/speaker who performs at some of the Women of Faith conferences. Her name is Nicole Johnson, and she does a routine called "Stepping into the Ring". It's about a woman who "steps into the ring" with the enemy called breast cancer. Every phrase from the doctor is like a blow from the enemy. Even innocent questions from the children knock the wind out of her. Her whole routine is very poignant. In fact, they show many women in the crowd with tears streaming down their faces.

But the good news in all of this is that having breast cancer doesn't mean the end of life. It does mean treatment that may not be all that pleasant, but that's temporary. And yes, we can't ignore the fact that 40,000 lives are lost each year in the United States alone because of this vicious disease. But again, early detection is the key to shrinking the number of deaths.

So if you've found a lump that you're sure wasn't there before, call your gynecologist or family doctor. They'll either give you a breast exam or send you directly to a mammography center. If you've never had either done and you're feeling modest about doing something like this remember...this exam could be the minor inconvenience that saves your life. If you're older you're likely used to these intrusions on your privacy. But for younger women, it's even more important that you get over your modesty and have your lump checked out. Cancer tends to me more aggressive in younger women, so the sooner you have it checked, the quicker you can put a stop to it if indeed it is cancer.

There's so much more that can be said about emotions, but I think I'll stop here for this week. Next week we'll deal with the emotions that come along with the "what's next" phase.

Until that time, keep getting to know your breasts!

Pam Daale
The Happy Cancer Patient

You can e-mail Pam Daale at Pam_Daale@TheDenverChannel.com.


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