Denver - July 11, 2013
Guest Blogger Kindle here.
I have the Best Name Ever!
Although I am mighty sick of being asked if I have a brother named Nook or a sister named iPad.
Har de Har Har. Human non-humor.
Jeb and I are on a trade this week, meaning he's with my puppy raiser Pat and I'm with Marianne and John. I like having Meryl, Diddums and Dewey for company; all I have at my house is an elderly, cranky cat named Cricket.
Speaking of cranky, I guess I should mention that Mina seems to hate me. I dunno what her problem is but all I have to do is walk into the same room with her and she's snarling and cursing and chasing me. Frankly, she scares the fur off me. I accidentally stepped into the bedroom this morning and Mina exploded like a grenade - KABOOM! Marianne scolds her for "over-correcting" me. That's like saying a tsunami is just a big wave. Sheesh. I think Mina has Serious Anger Management Issues.
The cats get vexed when I bounce at them and bark. They are super nice cats but I get frustrated when they don't want to romp, so I bark "PLAY WITH ME!!" really loud. For some reason, this doesn't go over well with the cats, who hiss and run, whereupon I get squirted with vinegar water by the humans.
I've also been in hot water for eating one of Marianne's sneakers (canvas - tasty!), shredding papers out of the trash, and destroying a few soft toys. Oh, and I chewed a hole in a tennis ball. I seem to spend a lot of time in the x-pen. Curious. Why have shoes and papers within reach and an overflowing toy box if I'm not supposed to chew on any of them?
But here's what you really need to know about me: I have a Magic Collar. Yup, it's true. My puppy raiser, Pat Bird, has raised eight dogs before me and seven have graduated. That's a REMARKABLE record, I'm told. One dog even graduated twice, but that's a story for another time. I'm told the average graduation rate is one puppy out of three. So what is Pat's secret, you ask?
It seems that most puppy raisers get each new pup its own special collar. Well, Pat says "Nonsense!" to that indulgent notion and just uses the same collar on all of us. At first, she caught heat from the other puppy raisers but she ignored them all. "Pfft," she said. "This collar is in good shape and fits any puppy, so why should I get a new one?" Very sensible, our Pat.
When the puppy raisers realized that *nearly* all her dogs were graduating they did the math: Same collar + new puppy = graduate dog. The puppy raisers stopped teasing Pat and instead started respectfully asking if they could borrow the Magic Collar, just for an hour or two, just long enough to anoint their puppies with the special magic it contains. Sometimes Pat says yes, but mostly she just laughs. I think she did let Rocket wear it once, and you know what happened, right? Um-hum, he graduated last month. See? Magic Collar.
So, no matter how naughty I seem to be now, I'm pretty sure the Magic Collar will kick in and I'll be another graduate dog. Pat tells me I still have to work hard and learn my commands because the Magic Collar isn't a free pass. You know what? I don't believe her. I've heard stories about her other dogs and some of them were pretty darned naughty, let me tell you. So HA! I say. I think I'm gonna graduate, too!
Whoops, s'cuse me, I see a shoe that needs investigating and I'm feeling a bit peckish..
See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!
"Let the Dogs Speak! Puppies in Training Tell the Story of Canine Companions for Independence" by Marianne McKiernan is available in paperback and eBook formats. Order your copy from Amazon or Barnes & Noble today! All author's proceeds are donated to CCI. My fellow puppies and I thank you.