Dear DoubleTake,
I am a 21-year-old woman who recently had to move back home from school, since I could no longer afford the tuition. I am going to community college to keep up my education and eventually get my nursing degree, but I still feel like I have fallen off track.
I have been with the same man for 5-and-a-half years and love him dearly, but he lives more than two hours away at school, and he never seems to have time to even answer a text. We have tried "date nights" once a week where we are supposed to put away time to focus on each other, but I feel I am the only one giving my all to those times.
I don't begrudge him how much he loves his school work. He is living for his dream and feels if he doesn't say yes to every opportunity he will fall behind. But I am starting for feel that I am not a priority in his life.
I want to keep working on this relationship, but I can't be the only one putting anything in, and I don't know how to get him to understand that I feel alone and that he doesn't care any more, when all he does is says he loves me and walks away.

BETTY SAYS:

Pick a cliche: Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, find a new lease on life, "I Will Survive," -- whatever it may be. You're allowing your boyfriend's elusiveness to drown you, and only you can say, "Hey! I am working hard to finish up school, and I could use some support."

Also, it's possible that your boyfriend is distancing himself from you because you feel soured about your living situation. There's nothing wrong with moving back home because of financial issues, especially as a college student in today's topsy-turvy economic times. So don't beat yourself up about not being as independent as you'd like to be.

Once you've changed your perspective on your education, hopefully you can become a little happier. Then you can start focusing on the real problem -- what to do about a boyfriend who doesn't seem to care.

It's tough at your young age to figure out what to do with a long-term relationship. If things don't change -- like more lapses in texts -- perhaps it's time to explore new opportunities. After all, do you really want to get married at 22? If he's putting friends and school before you -- why can't you do the same? You both have a lot of time to decide what your future holds.

EDDIE SAYS:

Have you straight-up told your boyfriend how you feel? Many times, the best way to make a point is to make it. Not hints, not sighs, not a few mentions. Say, "Look, this is how I feel."

But, you must know that he may say, "I understand where you are. I care about you, and wish things were better for you right now. But, I'm at a point where I need to focus on myself."

At your age -- and since you're not yet married -- it would be very common and reasonable for him to think that if he's going to have a girlfriend, it should be someone who fits into his current life. Right now, you don't, however much you love him.

He may just decide that a long-distance relationship is too much work for him.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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