Dear DoubleTake,
First off, I am going to admit I have trust issues. That being said, I just do not know if I am hung up on past hurts or if I have a valid concern about my fiance.
He is still friends with his ex, who he admits still has feelings for him. I have a big problem with this.
Also, the last few months he has had zero sex drive. My attempts have been rejected and he makes no moves whatsoever. When he finally made a move, I discovered a set of four long scratches down one side of his back.
When I asked him about them, he became extremely defensive and couldn't explain them.
Without proof he did wrong, do I just try and get over it, or do I end it and move on?

BETTY SAYS:

There's a secret cat in his life! Just kidding.

From your letter, it sounds like his ex is crazy, and perhaps he's fallen for her wicked ways. I think she either scratched him in a rage when he said, "Back off, I have a girlfriend," or he couldn't resist a moment of sexual tension and what you saw are marks of passion.

We all have trust issues and hang-ups about past hurts. So try not to make this an issue about you. It's his issue. There are some strange scratch marks on your fiance's back -- consistent with those of a woman's fingernails -- and you just want to know where they came from.

So it's your call. He wants you to get over this rough patch. So if the relationship improves and your future together comes into shape, the wounds will heal.

Then again, I'd keep an eye on his ex-girlfriend. The fact that she admits to having feelings for your fiance is just rude. If he continues to be distant and you think it's because of her friendship, then you should definitely get out of that love triangle.

EDDIE SAYS:

In your mind, the scratches and the ex are related. But is there any evidence that they are, besides the fact that you were already paranoid about the latter?

It doesn't sound like it. Not like you found them right after he had visited her.

Of course, you also don't mention that he has a job that would involve a great risk of getting scratches without noticing. (Let's go with tree surgeon and veterinary assistant). So the fact that he can't say where they come from does sound a little hinky.

If it's just this one time being evasive, you have to balance it with the rest of your life together.

Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like you have a way to be objective and rational about that.

So, a crazy-jealous woman. A possible man-marking hussy. And a dodgy guy. Hard to see how any of that adds up to happiness and stability.

Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
More Advice ...