June 8, 2007

Marianne seems irritated with me. I found this recipe on her desk this morning.

Malodorous Mutt Medley

Ingredients:

•One white puppy •2 square yards of dirty asphalt •One dead snake •One tub of water •One bottle of shampoo •Three dog towels •One Kong stuffed with biscuits •One plastic bag •One dog crate •Alcoholic beverage of choice

Directions:

•Walk puppy to car. •Scold puppy for rolling on asphalt in attempt to remove his cape and Gentle Leader. •Dust off filthy puppy and gingerly place in car. Drive home. •Take puppy into back yard to brush him. Wonder why puppy is rolling in grass. •Race across yard. Lift puppy off dead snake. Groan. •Hold breath, tote puppy at arm's length into house. •Deposit puppy in bathtub; fill with warm water. •Apply shampoo with abandon. •Catch slippery, airborne puppy and wrestle him back into tub. •Take shampoo bottle away from puppy. •Scrub thoroughly. •Dissuade puppy from eating soapsuds and drinking soapy water. •Rinse. Repeat. •Drain tub and refill. •Discourage puppy from joyously digging in bathwater. •Rinse. Repeat. •Remove dripping, squirming puppy from tub. •Dry puppy vigorously. •Remove towel from puppy's mouth and discourage game of tug of war. •Deposit damp puppy in crate with stuffed Kong. •Dry off walls and floor in bathroom. •Go to back yard. •Gingerly pick up dead snake with plastic bag and deposit in outdoor trash container (funeral rites optional). •Return to house. •Wash hands. Change clothes. Dry hair. Clean water spots off glasses. •Fix drink. •Collapse.

Chow for now!

Parker

P.S. Take a look at "Creature Comforts" in the new issue of the University of Denver Magazine at www.du.edu/magazine. It's all about working dogs and their humans at DU. And my favorite Auntie Elizabeth, along with my CCI puppy pals Avey and Pholx, are featured in a sidebar about puppy raisers!

Send Parker an email at call7forhelp@thedenverchannel.com.